![]() ![]() So zero in on the real problems that need to be articulated to higher-ups. If he’s regularly making comments that offend women, management should want to know. Whether it was a one-off incident could make a difference. The dubious oversharing is more ambiguous. Loud sneezing may be annoying, but the absence of necessary skills is a much more legitimate issue. Depersonalize the way you’re thinking about this. Once you’ve eliminated the possibility that this guy is actually Will Ferrell doing covert research for a new workplace comedy, you should start with some of the advice above. How can I find a way to stay professionally courteous? ANONYMOUS It may be that he can only see me through the narrow lens of being a woman. I was so startled and disturbed that I felt a choking sensation in my throat. The incident that’s left me wanting to avoid him completely: Out of the blue, he walked up to me while I was working and informed me that his wife just had her “woman exams,” and proceeded to talk about her cervix and his new respect for what women must endure. Meanwhile, he is still learning to do things he claimed were already in his skill set. His behavior regularly includes belching or sneezing loudly and widely, and wearing spandex shorts and flip-flops to the office (no one else dresses this way). That’s not good for anybody - especially you. Instead, we talk about it with everyone else, until it festers into loathing. Hakim says, many interpersonal problems boil down to a failure to communicate directly about the real problem with someone who can actually resolve it. If you’re worried about coming across as a troublemaker, preface the conversation with something like, “I hope this doesn’t seem inappropriate, but I think it’s better to share it with you than not.” But be clear about the specific actions that are causing issues and how they affect the organization. So bring the genuinely job-related problems to your supervisor or human resources department, and “explain how her behavior is impacting your team,” she says. Hakim says, “Let the boss deal with it.” Trying to win over this person can easily morph into managing her - which is not your responsibility. In this case, perhaps you can let everyday coldness slide (you don’t have to be best pals) - but not unanswered email or ignored tasks, which are tangible work problems. This mentality will help you separate the personal and the professional. Hakim calls “friendlies” - relationships that neither require nor assume everything that goes with a true friendship. That doesn’t mean you should be rude or unprofessional, but rather that it’s healthier to think of colleagues as what Dr.
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